I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when you smacked my ass outside of your office and I saw you hit on my cat. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand that your Ford sucks. I'm returning our matching snoopy underwear to you, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory. You should also know that I told my psychiatrist about the bruises and the apartment building is on fire.
Best of luck on the sex change,
Son in Law
P.S. - I will be back... SOON.